Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Befriending The Ex?

Case of the ex -- we've all been through it. Some treat it like a chronic H1N1 disease (oh tak boleh sentuh langsung, asal sentuh je boleh meletop bikin panasss), while others treat it like it's just a normal viral fever (awal-awal tau tu panas lah, lama-lama dah cool, dah tade pape). Of course, there are also the lucky ones who do not have to go through it at all, and for those people, I would say they are blessed. Saved from all the heartaches and the dramas.

However, for those who have gone through it though, I am sure you've encountered one or all of these scenarios below :

Scenario #1 : At a mall or a restaurant.
Eh, macam kenal? Alamak, itu ex-girlfriend my sayang lah! *cover muka dengan tudung* (kalau yang free-hair tu cepat-cepat turunkan rambut). Awkwarddddd!

Scenario #2 : At home, surfing the net.

*ting* (idea masuk la tu) Eh, agak-agaknya minah ni ada Facebook tak eh? Jom stalk, stalk, stalk! Ak ella, private la pulak! *kecewa*

Scenario #3 : At home, surfing the net.
*ting* (tak puas hati, idea lain pulak masuk) Eh, carik pulak lah kot awek ni ada blog? Eh, ada lah. Stalk lagi, lagi lagi! Halaaaaa private jugak! *kecewa*

Scenario #4 : At home, surfing the net.

*ting* (memang tak bole jadik, kena carik sampai dapat jugak!) Eh, kot ada Twitter okay jugak boleh follow! Carik, carik, carik! Yay berjayaaaa! Seb baik kau tak private (lagi) bai. *sengih lebor*

Scenario #5 : Outside, with your current partner.

Eh sayang, your ex lah. Jangan over ok, buat relax sudey.

Any of these scenarios sound familar to you? Hehehe, I know because I've been there too. However, lucky for me, I am friends with some of these ex's to date. Don't ask me why or how I do it, but I can actually be friends with the ex's. There is even a case when both me and this girl Fara used to date this same guy in Uni and hated each other's guts, and the next thing we knew, we both dumped the guy, and now good friends to each other! :D

Si cantik Fara and I

Truth be told, my in laws especially can't seem to quite get how I can actually be cool when it comes to being friends with the ex. In fact, I am also cool about my husband being friends with his ex. Yes, my husband has an ex (no wait, exs actually) and I am actually friends with his ex, Kenji, up till this date. I guess it's the trust that we both put in each other kot. I mean, we are both adults, and we know our limits. And most importantly, we love each other dearly. With that much of love in our heart, I told them, insyaallah nothing can go wrong. :)

Miss popular Kenji/Fiza and I

I do not know about you, but I feel much better once I become friends with them. You see I hate having unpleasant feelings about someone, anyone. But it's hard not to have that kind of feelings especially when you know the person used to share something special with someone very dear to you, you see. And as humans, you are just bound to have this feelings, even if you do not want it.

And from my experience, after becoming friends with them, and getting to know them, I actually gain even more respect and liking for them, and all the unpleasant feelings disappeared just like that. Some people ask me, "Thara boleh eh berkawan dengan Aien's ex? Tak rasa jealous ke apa ke?" I told them no, I am not jealous of them. In fact, I am glad I am (can be) friends with them because I gain more friends to add to the list! :) And if you ask me, I sincerely think that the ex's are great people, beautiful in their own way. I see now why my partner(s) fell for them. :) (Yes, partner(s) because I had exs too, you see :P)

My husband used to ask me, would you be friends with my exs? I said, why not, just as long as you know how to jaga yourself, then there's no reason for me to naik hantu right :D

How about you? Dare becoming friends with the ex?


amirah said...

Yes yes yes!!
I am friends with all of Am's exs. Banyak betol exs dia rupanya.haha. Once we become friends, treat them well, and they will surely put more and more respect on you.. Yang penting ikhlas lah kan..

Lucky him, no need to know any of mine, since none existed (well u know that).hehe. Tapi, dia kena kenai dengan semua my best friends (guys)..=))

Puteri Bt Ahmad said...

thara, u'r so cool!!!

reena said...

Cayalah Thara!

I pun kawan je dengan my bf's ex and dia pun kawan je dgn my ex. Cumanya ex dia tak banyak tapi ex i adalah beberapa orang. Haha :p Tapi bf i sendiri yang tak nak kawan dengan ex dia, i nak cakap apa kan?

Thara, u're so cool la. I agree with u. Tak rugi buat kawan dengan ex partner kita. Kita kan adult. Masing-masing ada life sendiri. Nak jeles jeles tak tentu pasal ni semua soooooooo high school lah.

GuTi said...

wa, I like to read this pretty mom's blog ;-) it sounds like spam but it's true!

Anonymous said...


My mom,arwah Tok Jam la kan, berkawan baik dgn ex-gf arwah Baba, dr muda sampai akhir hayat Tok Jam.We're like family, sampai kak lin tak sangka that actually Mak Yah tu my dad's ex-gf.Hahaha!!!i used to ask her, how come she can be so cool, and her answer : KALAU BABA NAK KAWEN NGAN MAK YAH, DIA TAK KAWEN LA DGN MAK..MAK YAH PUN TAK KAWEN LA DGN PAK ELIAS.... simp;e jer jawapan dia.. :)

jamiey writes said...

i would, if he would let me know anyone of them :P
i guess some guys just want to leave the past behind.

mommaholicSURI said...

ahahahahaah.. I mmg kamceng dengan ex my hubby masa zaman dia cinta monyet kat sekolah dulu. Yang lagi best, masa i dipinang oleh parents Armi, the spokespersons mewakili family Armi is the parents of my hubby's ex. Family my in laws rapat dengan family that girl. Wah lau!

I pulak, masa this girl akad nikah, i lah pengapitnya. Mmg rapat and i x nampak any problem with that. :)

Ramai yang kata x logik tau. She's so pretty. Tambahan pulak both of my pils and that girl's parents mmg baik sangat-sangat. Diorang kata i x jelouske? hihi. Tapi that's the hakikat. even until now, we keep in touch, selalu visit rumah masing-masing.

I think the most important here is TRUST, kan? I agree with you Thara. As long as masing-masing tau menjaga diri, WHY NOT :)

Thara said...

amirah :
hahaha yes i know youuuuu and i respect u since before! :D true that, kalau kita ikhlas nak kawan dgn derang, lama-lama before we knew it, we could even be good friends with them kan! :)
dulu-dulu masa muda mungkinlah dok rasa bukan2 kan everytime the case of the ex timbul kan, but as we grow older, somehow dah tak rasa kan perasaan bukan-bukan mcm gini kan. :)

puteri :
cool? hahaha. nah im far from that! just trying to be a better person each day, that's all :D

Thara said...

reena :
hahaha fuiyo u go girl! u ni misti lakuuuuu mcm pisang goreng panas kannnn! :D great to know the understanding is mutual! mcm tu lah kita nak dlm relationship kan. u faham i, i faham u. ye takkk :D

true that, dulu bole lah rasa mcm gini semua. as we grow older, dah tak kuasa dah nak layan perasaan mcm gitu kan. :) sbb itu kalau i baca blog some girls yang mula nak merepek meraban nak naik emo pasal bf kene nak kene amik org lah, ape lah itu lah, i'd just roll my eyes and move on to another blog. :P

guti :
hellooo! glad u like reading my blog! come back often! :D

Thara said...

anonymous :
kak linnnnn! arwah Mak Jam mmg cool! i bole imagine die ckp mcm tu dkt u hahahaha. i hope all of us can have the same mentality and work ourselves to be a better person each day to ourself and to our spouses! :)

jay :
hahaha, ooh jerry likes to keep things to himself eh? oh well, as they say, what you don't know won't hurt you. :P

Thara said...

nuurill :
OH. MY GOD. i am SO IMPRESSED! wow, you must be one hell of a lady as well to be able to stay cool eventhough u know ur PILs still have high regards for Armi's ex (and family)! :) it's wonderful to see how things would work so beautifully (like in your case) kalau hati suci murni kan. selalunya yang buat sama-sama couple or sama-sama family bertelagah is because hati kita sendirik yang tak luhur, ada hasad dengki. ure blessed to have beautiful familes, nuurill! and i salute u! :D

Nadine said...

Way to go Thara! Dunia lebih aman bila semua org berbaik2 sesama sendiri :)

In my case, I would looove to be friend wif Fadzil's ex. unfortunately he doesn't have one. Dia kata I chenta pertama dia. Hihi..

Fadzil on the other hand plak mcm x brape suka I baik dgn my ex. He didn't say it by words but through gestures. So I paham2 sendirila. I guess masa tu d guy was still single kot. Now that he already married, barula Fadzil nampak loosen up and ok. Anyway, I don't know how true it is but my mom did said, org ade darah pakistan ke arab ke the guys mmg cemburu lebih sket...maybe kot..heee

Thara said...

nadine! u are one of the lucky ones that im talking about! u and my good friend amirah up there! u guys are soooo lucky to have been the first love of the love of your life! senang kan, tapayah sebok nak rasa jealous ke risau ke insecure ke ape kan :) and wah, fadzil kuat jealous rupanya hehehe. takpe babe, jealous maknanya sayang. that means dia sayang u so much more lah tu. sbb itu sanggup drive sampai ke ampang semata-mata nak belikan burger tu for you kannnn :P

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[Sign off]