Maid With A Handphone. Good or Bad Idea?

BAD. Bad bad bad bad BAD BAD idea all the bloody way. There is honestly nothing good about it. Everybody knows the rule. When you have a maid, Rule #1 : Never to let them mingle amongst themselves. Rule #2 : Never, ever, let them own a handphone. Bad idea, bad bad bad idea.

Yes, I have always, always been against maids with handphones and my husband Aien knows that more than anyone. He knew about my stand long before we were even married. Hence, when my maid came along, we have always asked her to use our house phone instead. All she needs to do, is to let us know whenever she wants to make a call to her family, anytime at all, and we'll dial it for her, using the RedTone card we got her. This way it is much easier to monitor her call activities.

That is why, when my maid came to me just now and asked if she could own a handphone, I was dumbstruck. I did not know what to say. I looked at Aien, and we both ended up looking at each other, until finally, Aien broke the silence and told her we would think about it.

Now, why are we even considering? Let's see.

If we do not let her own a handphone, she might feel disturbed, and unsettled. She would think, oh, why can't I have one when the rest of the maids could have it?

Yes, you see, I have broken Rule #1. My maid have been mingling with other maids. It is, however, inevitable. Especially in my case. I see my in laws every so often, you see. So when we go to my PIL's, they have a maid -- with a handphone. And when we go to my SIL's, they too, have a maid -- with a handphone. So it is only natural for them to start talking, and one starts to point out, hey, why don't you ask your employer to get you a handphone? It is much convenient you see, you get to hang on the phone like a monkey all day, all night!

You see, this is the problem when maids start mingling. Yes, it is only natural for human to want to have companies, and mix and mingle. And I am not a cruel employer. I understand this perfectly, which is the reason why, I do not mind bringing her over to my in laws in order to let her stim out every now and then. But look. This is what happens. When you give a little freedom, just a little freedom, this happens. The more they meet, the more they talk, the more they start comparing, the more they demand!

Now, another option is, what if we do let her own a handphone?

Oh my, the possibilities.

You see, it is not that I do not trust my maid, but despite the positive progress she's been showing so far, I just can't shake off the uncertainties in me. One call is all it takes for anything to happen. Just one call.

I might have read and listened too much, but most of the cases involving maids nowadays happened because of the bloody handphone. I am not saying that handphone is the only cause for things to happen, but having a handphone makes things easier to happen. With the headphone, a maid can do a whole lot more. She may start making contacts and gather her network, she may call a stranger and invite him into the house, she may start hanging by the phone and neglecting her work (or worse, neglecting the baby while busy hanging on the phone), she may skim a plot even easier now that the phone is easily accessible, and a whole lot more!

Frankly, I am not a big fan of allowing maids to own a phone. Besides, I can't see the rationale why they, especially my maid, need a phone when I have specifically told her to use the house phone at anytime that she wants! All she needs to do is tell me! Lain lah kalau I forbid her to use the phone at all. If that happens, boleh lah kata I kejam ke apa kan. But no, I kasik dia pakai the house phone. Siap remind dia berkali-kali lagi suroh call her hometown each time. But she never did. Why, segan? Then is it my fault yang u segan nak tanya I? And now you're asking me for a handphone? For what? Privacy? What on earth do you want to talk about that you need privacy for? And all of this are made worse, especially when the employer (that would be me) is not around!

Seriously. I can't find any reason why I should let her own a handphone, except for the fact that if I don't, she will definitely feel uneasy and offended with us.

Aien thought we could consider letting her own a handphone, just for the sake of having a handphone. On 2 conditions, however. One, we keep the phone. Whenever she wants to use it, she will have to ask for it from us, and then return it back to us once she's done. Two, she can only make calls once for each week.

So now, I'm again, in dilemma. Do I break Rule #2 and let her own the handphone? Or should I stand by my stand, and keep her away from the dreaded device? And if I do, what reason should I give her?

-- ** update ** --

Hi everybody! Thanks all for your concern, advices, and ideas. Really appreciate it. My husband and I have talked, and we have mutually agreed not to let the maid have the handphone for many reasons. we have yet to tell this to her, but we will soon. However, if she insists on having one, we will get her one, on the conditions as mentioned earlier. Thanks all again for your generous advices and suggestions, they really helped! ;)

Ps : Will keep all of you updated once we have the big talk with our maid! Wish us luck! ;)

I Can See You!

My greatest worry and concern when I first got myself a maid was Aydein's safety. Will she look after Aydein asthough he was her own son? Will she be patient and nice to him while I am away? Can I trust her not to lay a single finger on my son inappropriately when I am not around?

I've been hearing loads of funny stories and watched so many videos on maids cruelty to toddlers/babies that I can't help but to shudder at the thought of it happening to Aydein.

However, it has been a year now, and alhamdulillah, we're blessed to have a maid such as her. I can tell that she really loves Aydein as though he was her own.

Bibik feeding Aydein his dinner.

I can tell from the way she plays with Aydein, entertains Aydein, makes Aydein laughs, pats Aydein to sleep and how she always starts with a "Bismillah" everytime she picks Aydein up or puts him down -- she really does handle Aydein with care. In fact, everyone that comes to my house and sees how she handles Aydein would agree that she really is fond of my one and only. :)

Caak? Chubby Aydein at 4 months. :)

And to her credits, aside from the last episode that I had with her, she has really shown improvement when it comes to being honest. I still try not to ask her too much though, just to save myself from any heartaches, but so far, so good. :)

However, just for safety measure, my husband and I decided to install a livecam in my house anyways -- not to actually spy on her, but rather to have an idea of what really is happening in the house while we are not around, once in a while. After all, it is a good idea to check in the house every now and then.

Therefore, once Aien the Handyman successfully set up the whole thing, the first thing we did when we reached the office was; hopped on the net and watched my maid and Aydein live from the office (with a few of our colleagues)!

And what we saw, brought smiles to our face. :)

Bibik entertaining Aydein with Barney as soon as he got up from sleep.

Bibik playing with Aydein once she bathed him and dressed him in a fresh daytime wear.

Aydein having his afternoon nap.

Some of my friends asked me how we did it, and it is rather easy, actually. If you find it time consuming to scout around for a good CCTV, then webcam would do the trick! All you need is an Internet connection, webcam and a laptop/computer.

All set? Then, follow these 5 easy steps!

1) Plug in your webcam.
2) Register a channel with UStream.
3) Click on Broadcast Now button.
4) Wait for the system to automatically detect your webcam.
5) Done! You're Live!

Easy, isn't it? Now there is no reason for you to worry anymore and oh, you are also going to find yourself smiling crazily infront of your screen and going "awwww" everytime your baby pops into picture too! :D

Also, the best thing about livecam is that, you can watch it live, anywhere you are as long as you have the access to the Internet. And thanks to the smart phones that we have today, our baby can be monitored with just a few touch screens away! ;)

The Last Straw

I've tried to be discreet, so many times. I've tried containing my anger and kept it to myself. But what happened a few weeks back was more than I could take.

She lied to me again.

You see, I have told her not to feed Aydein straight from the containers, and that each time, she should scoop half of the dish from the containers into the feeding bowl. If the Aydein wants more, she can always scoop more dish using a different spoon into the feeding bowl. Never to scoop the entire dish into the feeding bowl, because if Aydein does not finish it, it would all go down the drain as we will have introduced bacteria from Aydein’s mouth into the leftover food.

But when I caught her cheating and saying that she only scooped half of the dish into the feeding bowl when the container which was initially FULL was already EMPTY, that was the final blow. Enough is enough. It was that day or never.

So I called her into a room, just the 2 of us. I spoke to her nicely but firmly. I pointed out her mistakes one by one. I recalled ALL the lies she fed me which I pretended not to know and kept quiet, out of respect to her. There were times when she (as expected) tried to deny and twist the story, which I managed to counter-back intelligently, it even surprised myself.

I told her that I liked her; that she's done great job so far and that I knew she loved Aydein. But this could not continue. If she was going to stay with me for another 2 years, I would have to trust her. We needed to feel easy about each other in order to live under the same roof. But if she kept being this way, I didn’t think it was possible. I even asked her the reason for her change in behavior because she was not like this before.

She remained quiet.

I continued again (because I couldn't seem to stop!) and repeated that this could not continue. She has to stop with the lies. And if she did anything wrong, anything at all, she needed to confess the truth and tell me. I reassured her that I will neverbe mad at her as long as she tells me the truth. In fact, I asked her, "The whole 5 months you've been working with me, have I ever scolded you once? Have I ever raised my voice at you once?" She said no. I continued "Yes, because it's not my style to scold anyone unless I caught them lying. I just can’t stand liars,"

Just in case there was something wrong with US, I asked to confirm with her if there was anything that she was not happy about, living with us. Was the food provided enough? Was the workload too much for her? Was she happy working with us?

She said alhamdulillah, she was more than happy to work with us.

So I went on. I said, "I've been good to you, but at the same time, I need your cooperation too. I'm not asking much, I just need you to always be honest with me. Even if you make mistakes, just let me know, I won't be mad at you. After all, we're just humans. We’re not perfect. We're bound to make mistakes,"

That's when I saw tears welled up in her eyes, and she cried. She repeatedly asked for forgiveness from me.

So I told her, "It's okay. I'm not even mad at you. We're all humans, bik. Like I said, we're bound to make mistakes. Just remember what I said, and everything will be fine,"

And no, we did not hug after that. :P But we said our peace to each other and I left the room, feeling strangely like a superwoman. Haha. No lah. Honestly, it felt good to let it all out. It felt so much better once you pour your heart out and say what you had to say, you know?

And well, it's been 2 weeks now from the last episode and so far, she's been keeping to her words. And hopefully, just hopefully, she will turn a new leaf and stay that way forever. :)

Do I Tell Her Off? Or Do I Not?

She's been our helper 2 weeks before I returned to work. I can still remember the first day I met her. She was in her green shirt, and black tudung, looking rather timid, like a scared kitten lost in the crowd.

Truth be told, I was nervous to meet her then too. I was nervous at the thought of some stranger looking after my son while I am away. However pushing all the negative thoughts aside, I put my faith in her and left everything in Allah's hands to care for the rest.

But she's been a good maid so far. So far, until I caught her lying to me – for a few times to be exact.

Case #1

Since she needs to sleep with the light on, I have a few times informed her to switch the pendaflour light off before she goes to sleep and use the dim light I have provided her instead to save the electricity.

Me : Bik? Kamu sudah tidur? (the sound of bed creaking – she was on the bed, getting up)
Bibik : (opened the door with that just-got-up-from-sleep look on her face) Belum buk. Lagi menggosok (ironing).
Me : (playing dumb) Oh. Kamu jangan lupa tutup lampu sblm kamu tidur ya. Pasang lampu tidur yang itu. (pointing towards the bedside lamp)
Bibik : Ya buk. Saya lagi menggosok. Belum tidur.

Right.

Case #2

The red spinach which soup is supposed to turn red, turned to black.

Me : Bik, kenape kuahnya macam ni bik?
Bibik : Ya, saya tambahkan sos tiram dikit tadi. Kurang ya?
Me : Eh tak, bik. Tak payah tambah tiram. Cuma air dan garam je.
Bibik : Oh enggak, saya belum masukkan tiramnya. Bayamnya memang merah gelap begini.
Me : Eh bik, tadikan kamu cakap kamu masukkan tiram?
Bibik : Enggak belum. Saya cuma pikir mau masukkan dikit, tapi belum lagi. Tunggu ibuk rasa dulu.
Me : (playing dumb) Hmm. Takpelah. Lain kali kalau masak bayam merah, jangan letak tiram ye bik.
Bibik : Enggak, enggak ada tiram.

Right.

Case #3

I came back from work, and saw a dark smudge on Aydein's shirt.

Me : Bik, ni ape ni eh? (pointing to the smudge at Aydein's shirt and sniffed it. It smelt like chocolate.)
Bibik : (facial expression changed) Eh, apa ya? Mungkin tiram buat masakan tadi.
Me : Tiram? (Wow, oyster that smells like chocolate! This is new; I should tell CNN!) (playing dumb) Hmm. Takpelah. Lain kali kamu cuci tangan dulu sebelum pegang Aydein ye bik.

Case #4

This happened just yesterday. Aydein poo-pooed while I was having dinner so I asked my maid to help clean him. When she returned with Aydein, he was in a new bodysuit.

Me : Eh bik, kenape kamu tukar baju Aydein? (Aydein just had his bath and the bodysuit he had on him earlier was still fresh and new)
Bibik : (facial expression changed) Itu di belakang bajunya ada poo-poonya.
Me : Oh ye ke. Tapi tadi lepas dia poo-poo, saya tengok bajunya bersih je lagi.
Bibik : Enggak lah. Ada poo-poonya. Ya ibuk boleh pergi tengok sendiri lah.
Me : (hmm? why is she getting defensive on me?) (playing dumb) Hmm. Takpelah.
(Later that night, I went down to get some drink and I saw Aydein's shirt "that's got poo-poo on it" in the dirty clothes' basket. I lifted it up, inspected it, and sure enough, it was spotless clean. It even smelt good of the clothes' softener.

And those were the cases that I can recall for now. Of course there are more, but if I were to list them all here, you will never hear the end of it. Did you know, though, why I keep myself quiet for most of the time and even though I knew she was lying to my face, I still play dumb?

Because I know I am at her mercy. Because if she wants to let go of her frustration while I am away, she might lash it out to my only baby, as innocent as he may be.

But don't get me wrong, she still is a good maid and I do like her. She takes very good care of Aydein and is very patient with him (which is the most important thing). She also keeps the house clean, does the laundry & the dishes, and gets up early too (after being told of course). She just has problems being honest with me. Is she afraid of me? I don't know. Is she afraid of losing her job should she reveal the truth to me? I don't know. What I know is, I have twice told her before, that she could just be frank with me if she did anything wrong and that I would not be mad at her. (And I really wouldn't. I just need to hear the truth, that's all.) But for some reasons that I dont know, she still insists of telling me lies and that irks the heck out of me.

But thinking of all the good things she has done for us, I have tried to be discreet, hold myself back and swallowed all the lies she fed me without questioning her back. And they were just small matters anyway, so I figured I could just close one eye and let her get away. But then it hit me.

How long do I need to play dumb and let her make a fool of me? A part of me is dying to let her taste a piece of my mind – that I knew she's been lying to me all these while and that she should stop doing that and that she should just be frank with me and I will be much happier that way. But the other part of me is asking me to hold myself back, continue to stay quiet and be patient for Aydein’s sake. But for how long?

Please anyone, please tell me what to do, because honestly, I am already at my wits' end!