I had my weekend all planned out last week. I was supposed to go to Johor to send my baju for tailoring, and attend the Nuffnang Trudy & Teddy Tea Party event to meet all the mommy bloggers right after I get back from Johor. Little did I know that God had other plans for me.
Last Friday started off like any normal days. I went to work, did my work like usual, even had quite a ball at the office as we celebrated our boss's advanced birthday at the office. Nothing was amiss.
But then just before I left the office, I felt the need to answer nature's call and that's when I noticed a little spotting. Since my Aunt Flow did not come and visit me the month before, I assumed she was just late and finally came to visit me that month. Oh hello there, I thought happily. Datang jugak kamu ye.
However, as soon as I reached home, the pain that I thought was just menstrual pain slowly kicked in. Mula-mula, it felt like normal menstrual cramps. Tapi, lama-lama makin sakit. Lagi tahan, lagi sakit.
When the pain got severe, I started popping the pain killers, still thinking it was a bad case of menstrual pain. At this point, I actually thought to myself, "oh macam gini la kot rasanya bila some of my friends cakap segugut diorang segugut yang amat dahsyat".
But when the pain killers didn't work and the pain started to become unbearable, I started crying. No kidding, I started sobbing like a little girl! I needed a stronger pain killer and asked my husband to take me to the nearest clinic.
When we reached the clinic, the lady doctor told us that she could not just simply give me a jab to ease my pain. She had to rule out all the possible threats that were causing me the pain. She mentioned that the pain could be due to UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), muscle pain or threatened abortion (miscarriage).
I told the doctor, it was impossible for me to be pregnant because I just did the pregnancy test about 2 weeks before and it came out negative. The doctor insisted for a second test just to double confirm and the next thing I knew, the result stood right in front of me.
I was pregnant... and speechless. I can't actually describe how I felt then, but I am sure it was a mixture of confusion, happiness and fear. Out of worry for my safety, the doctor advised me to see a specialist immediately for further examination. And that was when everything started.
As soon as we reached Sime Darby Medical Centre, we asked for Dr Delaila since she was the same specialist that delivered Aydein. After examining and performing a scan on me, she said that she couldn't see any fetus in my uterus which could mean early pregnancy, miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.
I didn't want to say it out loud, but deep down inside, I could feel that I was suffering from ectopic pregnancy. I knew because the intense pain was coming from one side only and it was throbbing.
Aien on the other hand, was being all positive about it. He kept on reassuring me that everything would be fine and that whatever the result may be the next morning, I was to keep an open mind about it and to accept it with open heart.
That night, I could not sleep because the pain was so painful, it made sleeping impossible! I spoke to my unborn baby, I told her to be strong. I told her I loved her, I told her to fight her way through. I told her if she were to make it, she would get to see her brother, and her papa. And somehow, the pain got better after that, and I was able to get a few hours of sleep.
The next morning, the moment I've been dreading for finally came. The doctor told me that the blood result confirmed that I was suffering from ectopic pregnancy and that the fetus had to be removed immediately to avoid complications. At that point, I felt my heart constricted. I felt as though I was crushed. In moments, I would be brought to the operation theatre. In moments, I would lose my baby.
Tears started to trickle down my cheeks as soon as the doctor left our ward. Aien kissed my forehead and told me it was going to be okay, that it was meant to be, and that I should stay strong. I guess Aydein could feel my remorse too, because he behaved really well throughout our stay in the hospital.
I was told to fast for at least 6 hours prior to the operation. During the waiting period, I had so many things in my mind. What if I stay awake after they sedated me? What if I stay unconscious after the anesthetic wears off? What if something goes wrong and I lose a lot of blood during the operation?
This was when I started feeling frightened and extremely down. But thanks to the support and words of encouragement from all my friends, my spirit started to lift up once again.
And then, it was time. I kept on reciting prayers on the way to the operation theatre and also the kalimah syahadah just before they sedated me.
And in less than 10 secs after they put the gas on me, I knocked off. The 1 ½ hours operation went well, alhamdulillah, because the next thing I knew, it was over, and the nurse showed me the fetus that was taken out from me. The fetus was still in the form of blood clot about the size of a red bean.
I just nodded but didn't say anything because I was still drowsy from the anesthetic. Once I was stable, I was brought back to my ward, to the smiling faces of my family.
And despite the pain from surgery, I thought to myself, O Allah, thank you for giving me the chance to breathe in the air one more time and to be able to see and appreciate the people that I care most about in life, even better. Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief.